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attempted murder

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johnsonict	attempted murder	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1 (07/30/06 18:24:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Tags : None Hi I just joined this group and my husband and I need some help. We adopted a four year old boy from a war torn African country. When my husband flew to Africa to meet him it was clear that he was much older than five - maybe 6 or 7 years old. he has had some trouble adjusting to our home - he pees al over the place, set fire, tried to flood the home, pulled baseboards from his bedroom. He has never shown any raging he is sometimes happy to do an activity or get a new toy. he requires a full time male aid at school to stop him from running wild in the school and intimidating the classmates. He bites me when I try to feed him. He attacks the other children in the home -but only does so when he thinks my husband and I can not see him. In fact, he breaks rules only when he sees that we re not watching. When there is any chaos he will attack random children or steal money from strangers. He says he wants to kill both our children and he has had his hands around the throat of our youngest. All this my husband and I were handling but then he tried to kill two children that he had never met before. He did not do this in anger nor did the kids tease him. On these two separate events the first he tried to strangle and the second he tried to drown. He says it makes him happy to hurt other kids, he says he likes strangling because he likes to watch the face. We are on the wait list for a bed in a child psych unit - the wait could be long - a few months to six months. We have been offered play therapy once a week. We live in small town in Canada so do not have many specialist. (The psych unit at our children's hospital is for the entire province and it has 10 beds.) The play therapist -the only one in town government suppiled -- has been flip flopping on what she thinks we should do. It is also most more stressful dealing with her than dealing with our own problems. What advise does anyone have Carol
4mykidz	Re: attempted murder	#1	[-]
Posts: 236 (07/31/06 05:43:56) Committed Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Not that it is much help, and probably something you are already doing, but I would keep this child in an adult's view at ALL times. I would put alarms on his bedroom door so that you are aware if he gets up at night. I am glad that you are getting the services of an attendant in school, as you must really need that break of him being gone during the day. I would start giving this child baby bottles, and treating him as though he were an infant, with very few toys, and constantly in your presense. You will need to work diligently to get any type of connection that you can. Teach him infant games that promote eye contact and interaction. He needs attachment therapy desperately, at a bare minimum. I know another family from Canada, and their fight for services for the preadoptive placement was major, and supplied way late. I hope your help comes very soon. My greatest sympathies while you work at this monumental task. It is not what you intended, I am sure. When you contemplate the horrible things this child had to endure to come to this point in his mind.
Unregistered(d)	Re: attempted murder	#2	[-]
Posts: 0 (07/31/06 13:09:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	He actually needs PTSD therapy, intensive, possibly even in-patient. And, he needs therapy not geared towards the standard PTSD children but towards war veterans. There are only 2 nations you can be referring to, Liberia or Sierra Leone. What these children endured is beyond our human comprehension. And, its been my sad experience that those placing these children are NOT sufficiently preparing the families for the realities of what these children face. Yours is NOT a new story to me. And, when they are severe as your son is when I hear the stories...after they disrupt. But, I have also known children to HEAL from this. Its not an easy road. And, if you don't have a lot of services close by, its even harder. I've spent 2 years seeking out therapy for my son. For 6 months this year, I drove over an hour weekly for his PTSD therapy because that was where I finally found someone able to deal with his issues. If weekly hadn't been enough, we would have traveled bi-weekly. And, if that hadn't been sufficient, we would have looked at in-patient treatment. You didn't mention when this child came home. So, I can only guess how hold he is currently. But, you've got a HUGE obstacle on the horizon. Once puberty hits, his ability to respond positively to intensive therapy will go downhill. And, because of the nutritional deprivation he's already encountered, puberty will likely come early for him. If you come back to see this thread, PM me. I have some resources. I have a small support group open only to parents dealing with these issues. I've listened to countless families who have gone through this, their struggles, their fight to help these children heal. These children are not beyond healing. But, what resources you can traditionally find for hurting children in this hemisphere are not geared towards these children and their experiences. And, the placing groups are simply NOT preparing families for what they can face with these kiddos. I actually had someone tell me with a straight face that all my son required was lots of love, plenty of food and a clean place to live and he's be 'fine'. But, he's not 'fine'. 3 years later, he is still hurting, he is still healing and we are still working to help him fight for that healing. But, we're also a far cry better than where we began. He has made tremendous progress and I believe he will be 'fine' somewhere down the road. It just isn't here yet and it certainly has taken far more than lots of love and good food. Also, final warning for you. From what you are describing, you need to tread very lightly as mother with this child. 7ish for arrival age and you've got an African boy who has learned all about African mentality and treatment of women. By very careful regarding yourself and any girls around this son until healing is underway.

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