Call me mother hen. Yes, I am strict with my children, and have every right to be so to guide them in the way they should go. But when my children hurt, I hurt.
My 12 year old adopted DD goes to the middle school everyday for choir and band classes (we homeschool the rest of the day). People taunt her because of the way she talks, and naturally it hurts her feelings. She says that people ask her why she talks so funny or weird, and make seemingly nasty comments about it. I understand that most of the time these are innocent questions from ignorant 6th graders, but it still hurts her from the way they are worded. She is constantly having to tell people time and time again that it is because she is from another country and is still learning English (she speaks very well, but her grammer needs a lot of work and she is hard for a lot of other people to understand). It is at that point, of course, that they understand, and often try to help her. She gets VERY tired of telling people she is from another country though (particularly one they have never heard of).
Upon seeing her, it is NOT apparant that she would have any differences. She isn't a Latin American, nor Chinese, nor any other apparant race that people are not surprised to hear other languages, accents, dialects, etc. from. She does have a different kind of "Russian" dialect that comes from the slang of southern Kazakhstan. And she is a Eurasian child, so nobody can put their nose on "what" she is. When people do not know that she is from another country, and she tries to talk and explain things using her simple English skills, most times people (mostly kids) think, well it's because something's wrong with her, or she is retarded or dumb or something. Of course they don't want to be friends with a "dumb" person, who can't even read and has a difficult time speaking and understanding. So those people avoid her and tease her. It is the bold who come up and ask her why she talks funny. They are the ones who discover the secret to this new girl in school, and wham! all of a sudden she is cool...with some of them, anyway.
We had a long talk about it last night, and I said about the people who tease her, well tell them, how would you like it to be in another country and not know their language, and your'e trying very hard to learn, and people ask you why you talk funny? How would it make YOU feel, huh? She said she has done that a few times, and it usually ends up shutting people up; they have to put themselves in her shoes and say well, you're right.
I gotta give the girl credit; she is handling it like a champ. But she still gets hurt so easily by other people's remarks, simply because they don't understand. I keep telling her, you need to MAKE them understand. TEACH them where Kazakhstan is, and what languages they speak there, because if they don't know, they won't understand. Kids don't really make it their business to find out on their own, so she has to show them. And it will be like that most everywhere she goes. Yeah, it's a pain, but I told her she needs to start making it as a fun thing, rather than something dreaded. Stay jovial about it (even if she has to put on an act to do that) so that people don't get put off by her ungrateful attitude when people ask questions.
And of course people ask and talk about many other things (much of the time innocent) that end up hurting her feelings. Many are things that a regular American 12 year old would not encounter. Others are things that most 12 year olds DO encounter on a regular basis, but she doesn't really realize that most of those are normal, so for her, it hurts. Halloween's coming up; people will probably comment on why she (meaning our family) doesn't celebrate Halloween, and thankfully, she is firm on her stand and belief on that issue. But they will probably tease her anyway.
Ach! The troubles of being an immigrant teenager!
My 12 year old adopted DD goes to the middle school everyday for choir and band classes (we homeschool the rest of the day). People taunt her because of the way she talks, and naturally it hurts her feelings. She says that people ask her why she talks so funny or weird, and make seemingly nasty comments about it. I understand that most of the time these are innocent questions from ignorant 6th graders, but it still hurts her from the way they are worded. She is constantly having to tell people time and time again that it is because she is from another country and is still learning English (she speaks very well, but her grammer needs a lot of work and she is hard for a lot of other people to understand). It is at that point, of course, that they understand, and often try to help her. She gets VERY tired of telling people she is from another country though (particularly one they have never heard of).
Upon seeing her, it is NOT apparant that she would have any differences. She isn't a Latin American, nor Chinese, nor any other apparant race that people are not surprised to hear other languages, accents, dialects, etc. from. She does have a different kind of "Russian" dialect that comes from the slang of southern Kazakhstan. And she is a Eurasian child, so nobody can put their nose on "what" she is. When people do not know that she is from another country, and she tries to talk and explain things using her simple English skills, most times people (mostly kids) think, well it's because something's wrong with her, or she is retarded or dumb or something. Of course they don't want to be friends with a "dumb" person, who can't even read and has a difficult time speaking and understanding. So those people avoid her and tease her. It is the bold who come up and ask her why she talks funny. They are the ones who discover the secret to this new girl in school, and wham! all of a sudden she is cool...with some of them, anyway.
We had a long talk about it last night, and I said about the people who tease her, well tell them, how would you like it to be in another country and not know their language, and your'e trying very hard to learn, and people ask you why you talk funny? How would it make YOU feel, huh? She said she has done that a few times, and it usually ends up shutting people up; they have to put themselves in her shoes and say well, you're right.
I gotta give the girl credit; she is handling it like a champ. But she still gets hurt so easily by other people's remarks, simply because they don't understand. I keep telling her, you need to MAKE them understand. TEACH them where Kazakhstan is, and what languages they speak there, because if they don't know, they won't understand. Kids don't really make it their business to find out on their own, so she has to show them. And it will be like that most everywhere she goes. Yeah, it's a pain, but I told her she needs to start making it as a fun thing, rather than something dreaded. Stay jovial about it (even if she has to put on an act to do that) so that people don't get put off by her ungrateful attitude when people ask questions.
And of course people ask and talk about many other things (much of the time innocent) that end up hurting her feelings. Many are things that a regular American 12 year old would not encounter. Others are things that most 12 year olds DO encounter on a regular basis, but she doesn't really realize that most of those are normal, so for her, it hurts. Halloween's coming up; people will probably comment on why she (meaning our family) doesn't celebrate Halloween, and thankfully, she is firm on her stand and belief on that issue. But they will probably tease her anyway.
Ach! The troubles of being an immigrant teenager!
