A., my nearly 14 year old daughter, has been having issues ever since we adopted her 3 years ago. And I don't know how to truly help her with them, aside from talking and being a listening ear. She was a victim of child sexual abuse, continually, prior to coming to us. Mostly from members of her own bio family, but also others, as well as some from the orphanage. It makes me sick thinking about it.
Her reaction has been, FEAR. Of sex, and anything related to it, and even anything that has to do remotely to it (like panties that is anything besides huge briefs). Her view on sex is distorted. Instead of something lovely between a man and his wife, in her mind it is a terrible pain which must be endured (and why would God institute that???).
At the same time, she loves babies...anything baby. She loves learning about how they grow in the womb. I don't mind her looking through the pregnancy books, I mean it is a natural part of life and she needs to have that type of understanding. Sex and babies is not an off-limit or taboo topic between her and I; she needs to know that I can answer her questions without too much embarassment.
But I still don't know how to help her in her healing and recovery. She has begun going to counseling for many things, and she has only had 3 meetings so far. One of the goals is dealing with the past...but that won't really come up much till later, when A. knows the counselor better and feels comfortable talking to her about those types of things. She isn't ready yet. And she doesn't want me to tell the counselor about our own talks when she has painful memories. She keeps things so bottled up, and it takes a lot to get her to talk to me about these things, and how she is feeling. She simply doesn't like talking about it (understandable).
Can anyone help me out?
Her reaction has been, FEAR. Of sex, and anything related to it, and even anything that has to do remotely to it (like panties that is anything besides huge briefs). Her view on sex is distorted. Instead of something lovely between a man and his wife, in her mind it is a terrible pain which must be endured (and why would God institute that???).
At the same time, she loves babies...anything baby. She loves learning about how they grow in the womb. I don't mind her looking through the pregnancy books, I mean it is a natural part of life and she needs to have that type of understanding. Sex and babies is not an off-limit or taboo topic between her and I; she needs to know that I can answer her questions without too much embarassment.
But I still don't know how to help her in her healing and recovery. She has begun going to counseling for many things, and she has only had 3 meetings so far. One of the goals is dealing with the past...but that won't really come up much till later, when A. knows the counselor better and feels comfortable talking to her about those types of things. She isn't ready yet. And she doesn't want me to tell the counselor about our own talks when she has painful memories. She keeps things so bottled up, and it takes a lot to get her to talk to me about these things, and how she is feeling. She simply doesn't like talking about it (understandable).
Can anyone help me out?
