Thanks in advance for any info you can give.
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Unregistered(d) |
Single female thinking about adoption |
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Hi. My name is Lisa. I am 35 and due to medical issues I can not have children of my own. I have always wanted them, but it just wasnt in the cards (at least biological children). I was wondering if anyone had experience in adopting a child when they are single and in mid - late 30's. What barriers did you come across and if you have any advice you can give based on your experiences. I do know that I would like to adopt an older child, maybe 8 or older. Just starting to look into my options.
Thanks in advance for any info you can give. |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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I began the process when I was 41. I think if you are interested in an older child, you will not have to many barriers. I think I had a longer wait (American foster adoption) than couples. But I was eventually matched.
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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You sound very much like me! I adopted Internationally. The only barrier I have found is some Countries require that you have a strong opposite Sex Role Model in the Child (ren)s' lives. |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Peggles, I am curious, if it is not too personal? Why do you feel you had a longer wait than married people do with the US Foster Care System? |
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susanmward |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Lisa,
I adopted Hannah as a single parent when I was 43. If you're adopting internationally, you do have to do some upfront research to select a country that accepts singles and an agency that works (happily) with singles. Domestically, like Peggles mentioned, you can also adopt as a single parent. You might test the waters by just calling your local DSS (Department of Social Services) and ask a few preliminary questions about how the process works locally. Susan |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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I kept track with the people I took classes with, and I was the last one matched. I assumed it was because I was single, and preferred a girl. There are less girls available in through foster/adoption.
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Thanks for all the responses and advice. I appreciate it.
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Me too -- and I'm 52! I'd love to hear from other single females who have adopted older children...nationally or overseas. I'm thinking that I probably shouldn't adopt children any younger than 9, as I may be too dimished in capacity to support them through their teens successfully. I enjoy teens now (boys or "tomboys"), and locally that can be a plus, because many of them have worked through mental health issues resulting from a traumatic childhood. I haven't a clue what adopting a teen outside the US might be like. And the expense! That's certainly something to consider so close to retirement
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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When people find out that I've had the thought of adoption, I hear so many times how its not right to adopt if your not married. Makes me so
Another question I get well actually responce when they (whoever) find out that I want to adopt an older child, over the age of at least 5 or 6 and all the way up into teen years is because there are a lot of people out there who want to adopt babies but these older children diserve to have a parent who loves them and cares for them and wants what is best for them, just as much as an infant does. Well I guess Ill get off my soapbox now. Thanks for letting me vent |
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4mykidz |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Those kids who may get you as their mom, don't have anyone right now. They just need a real home, and someone who loves them and will commit to them forever. The homes they came from did not have any parent that did the job right. They need a parent who will keep them safe and put them first. If you look at photo listings, some even prefer it, especially kids who have dealt with sa, and are afraid to have a man around!!! Do not let these negative attitudes deter you if you feel it is right and you want to make that life time commitment.
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Thanks for the advice. I wont let anyone elses opinion of when, why, howcome I adopt get in my way when I feel the time is ready. Its not time right now, but never know what the future holds. I do know that I want a child and since I cant have them biologically, well then I want an adopted child. They need someone to love them just as any other child would.
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Hi LIsa,
How exciting for you! Go for it! It took me several years to feel like I finally had all my ducks in a row to become a single mom but keep plugging away at it, and if it's meant to be it will happen! Something I haven't seen mentioned; everybody knows that the local social services do older child adoption; what I didn't find out until I was almost through the whole matching process is that many states also cooperate fully with private adoption agencies; that private agencies can also facilitate older child adoptions. So you might want to check out several local private agencies as well and see what happens between private agencies and the govt agencies responsible for fostered children, and see which agency you like best. RL |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Lisa - I'm 38 and in the process of adopting a 16yo boy...he's been in my home since 8/15...has to be there for 6 mos. for it to go to court to be final. Things are going very well...even though he has a background of alcohol, drugs and tobacco use. He had been in a group home for nearly 2 years. These kids really need someone to be there for them on a regular basis NO MATTER WHAT...even if they do some stupid teenage thing like we've all done in the past.
Good luck on your search! Gina in St. Louis |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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I just turned 40 and am adopting from foster care thru public agency. My home study was completed at the end of Feb (2005) and I have been matched with a 13 y/o girl. She is coming to spend her first weekend at my home today! Because of abuse issues her case worker wanted a single woman. I think my girl will enjoy having my undivided attention, and it will be good for her. I also think being single and without other children gives me more flexibility to meet her needs.
My biggest obstacle was my family. I have been Aunt Lisa for so long (and available to babysit!), I faced a lot of resistance. Although I was quite annoyed by their questioning my decision to have my own family, I had to ignore it and do what was right for me. Cheers, Lisa |
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4mykidz |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
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Good for you. I hope that their attitudes change once your daughter comes home. You will need their support.
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Single female thinking about adoption | ||
Quote: Thats what I keep telling myself. I am not very active at the moment working to start the adoption process as I am in school right now due to grad in June 06. After I grad I will probably be more aggressive w/ the process. I have learned a lot about what is involved through this site and look forward to learning more as time goes by. |
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