For those who adopted children internationally, can you talk about what made you decide to adopt vs. foster-to-adopt in the U.S. I am leaning toward international adoption, but am continuing to evaluate whether or not this is the right choice for me. It seems that fostering would provide an opportunity to learn more about the child prior to deciding to adopt, determine one's ability to handle having a child, etc., but, for varying reasons, have felt drawn to international adoption instead. I'd like some feedback on what drew others to adopt vs. foster first. Thank you.
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Adopt vs. foster
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 Unregistered(d) |
Adopt vs. foster |
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Posts: 0 (09/30/05 09:25:02) |
For those who adopted children internationally, can you talk about what made you decide to adopt vs. foster-to-adopt in the U.S. I am leaning toward international adoption, but am continuing to evaluate whether or not this is the right choice for me. It seems that fostering would provide an opportunity to learn more about the child prior to deciding to adopt, determine one's ability to handle having a child, etc., but, for varying reasons, have felt drawn to international adoption instead. I'd like some feedback on what drew others to adopt vs. foster first. Thank you. |
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Unregistered(d) |
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Posts: 0 (10/15/05 12:46:37) |
Good question. I would like to know others thoughts on the subject as well. Thanks for asking it.
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Unregistered(d) |
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Posts: 0 (10/15/05 17:02:08) |
I was initially drawn to international. But I ended up adopting through foster care. Part of the reason I chose local state adoption over international was because of the cost, and travel commitments. Plus I liked the idea continuing support with post-adoptive services on a local basis.
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susanmward |
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Posts: 1065 (10/16/05 09:53:53) |
I know that it's logical to do foster to adopt. I know that it makes sense to get to know a child before you adopt. But, for me, the total committment of international adoption was right. If Hannah had been a domestic, foster to adopt child, I'm not sure she would have ended up my child.
If she had been my foster child, I would have seen her horrible behavior from the get go. I would have felt overwhelmed. I would have wondered if she were ever going to "get better." And, maybe, I would have thought it wasn't the right fit. Maybe someone would have said a variation of... "try another child." But, as an internationally adopted child, she was mine from before I went to Russia to get her. There was no "what if it doesn't work" in my mind. She was it. My committment was immediate and total. So, while this wasn't my reason for picking international adoption, it was part of what ended up making it the right choice for me. Because, even though we went through hell, there is no question... not one iota of doubt.. that we're meant to be together! Susan |
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Unregistered(d) |
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Posts: 0 (10/19/05 16:59:34) |
Thanks to both of you for answering my question. It helps to hear your reasons for how you made your decisions and I so appreciate the support I've gotten with questions I've asked. I'm strongly leaning toward adoption, in part, for the reason Susan mentioned. I think it would help me to know there's no going back...no second-guessing, etc. I believe that foster parents can commit wholeheartedly, as well, but for me, the "no return policy" inherent in adoption may work best! Thank you, again.
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Unregistered(d) |
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Posts: 0 (10/24/05 01:30:16) |
I think any form of adoption is valid, and often how your family is formed has just as much to do with destiny as conscious choice. Your child is waiting for you, and you will find him/her.
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Unregistered(d) |
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Posts: 0 (10/24/05 04:34:04) |
A couple of thoughts...
First, don't assume that you get to see all of a child's issues before the adoption, even if you do domestic foster care first. I did this and she was with me for about 6 months, and right now we are going on a year and a half with new things coming out every day. Would I have done it anyhow? I don't know. But, the local caseworker reminded me that's what's so frustrating -- adoptions are pushed through and when subsidies are written, the system plays that there are no issues to be addressed (or fewer) and when they show up after the fact it's a bit of a "too bad, you're on your own now". It's sad, really.... what's in the kids' best interest? Secondly, not sure how you feel about bi-racial kids, but there are local places that are looking for homes for AA or biracial children. These tend to be faster and less costly. Here's an example of a place in Illinois, but they network through the nation: www.cradle.org I was going to do this, but my 13yo is more than I can take today as a single parent, so I'm calling it quits at 1 for now. Good luck. |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Adopt vs. foster | ||
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Posts: 0 (10/24/05 04:46:22) |
Thanks, Peggles and MexyGal, for your input. I just went to a training for foster care this weekend. I had started the foster care process in the beginning of my research and even though I was leaning toward international adoption, decided to see it through and complete the training, just to get more information about the kinds of problems the children have, etc. It turns out that I left the training feeling much more interested in this route than I was before I went in Saturnday. I was glad in a way, because I want to stay open to various paths. However, I do need to select a path, particularly if I'm considering international, because that can be so time consuming and I'm 52...so, I'm going to keep moving forward on both paths for a little while and hope there's a clearing for me. The other issue is I don't want to put a lot of money into international now if I'm going to go domestic. But, since I'm in the beginning stages, the expenditure isn't too bad. So, I'll say my prayers and hope it becomes clearer! Thanks again to all for their continued help! More opinions, suggestions welcome!
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Adopt vs. foster | ||
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Posts: 0 (11/08/05 08:52:08) |
Roxmarie - I, also, did the foster classes and adoption classes...I knew I wanted to adopt an older child, as I'm single and have a busy schedule myself between work, maintaining 20 acres, riding my Harley, etc. It's been a true blessing and I have had a 16yo boy in my house sinde mid-August (we started visitation in early July). He'd been in group homes and homes for troubled teens for nearly two years...but is really doing great. I know it's still early in the placement, but I think he learned his lesson the hard way and doesn't want to return to that life. He is now involved in sports, ROTC and everything else I can get him in so he is BUSY and doesn't have time to get in trouble! There will always be bumps in the road...but nothing different if these were your biological children. The best thing to remember is to not hurt an already hurt child and to be committed to them for the rest of their lives.
 Gina |
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Unregistered(d) |
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Posts: 0 (11/09/05 08:40:08) |
Hi Gina, Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope it continues to go well for you and your foster son. And I agree, the commitment is so vital. Take care. Roxanne
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Burton3669 |
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Posts: 49 (11/21/05 12:34:32) Committed |
My family chose international adoption because we met my sister before we ever thought of adopting. We were simply hosting a Kaz child with Kidsave when we met my sister. There was no way we could let this little girl go back to Kaz without a family. When I get older I guess I would consider in country adoption, but I also want to adopt a child from my sister's orphanage. I'm still too young for kids so we shall see.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! Melissa |
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Unregistered(d) |
Re: Adopt vs. foster | ||
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Posts: 0 (11/27/05 11:22:36) |
Thank you, Melissa...you and your sister are both lucky to have found each other. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Roxanne
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- Introductions
- Pre-Adoption
- Parenting
- Attachment & Bonding
- Foster Families
- International Adoption
- Single Parents
- School & Learning
- Faith & spirituality
- Challenges
- Grief & Loss
- Meds, supplements, doctors, herbal remedies, etc.
- A Day in the Life...
- Books, DVDs, games, software, etc.
- Bits & Pieces
- Out of home placement
- Ground Rules
